5 Reminders for Overthinkers
From an overthinker who’s overthinking while writing this.
Overthinker → one who looks too deeply into any situation, and often overanalyzes everything.
Some commonalities include:
- Restless nights because your brain won’t stop thinking
- Reliving the past
- “Perfectionist” is your middle name
- One-word replies are a death trap
… And much more. (Totally not based on personal experience.)
Please note that overthinking is different from legitimate problem-solving and healthy self-reflection. Overthinking is excessive contemplation to the point of increased anxiety and stress.
And with quarantine and everything now being virtual, it just means even more time to overthink, isolated in the comforts of our homes. Before we all spiral down into our overthinking bubbles, here are five reminders to help everyone maintain their sanity.
1. Your feelings are valid.
“We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap.”
— Anthony Hopkins
Whenever I spent days and nights ruminating over something, I always wondered if it was all for naught. If all this worry and stress was pointless. And honestly, although yes, it was all mostly problems I was causing myself, these thoughts are still valid.
Your feelings are valid and deserve to be accepted, at the very least, by yourself. By first validating instead of judging ourselves, we can start to dig deeper into building healthier habits without being cruel.
Things like “why am I like this” or “I wish I wasn’t like this” don’t help anyone. If anything, it just gives you more things to overthink and reasons to resent yourself. Instead, acknowledge and accept that this is just how your mind works.
2. Take a step back — be rational.
“We drink the poison our minds pour for us and wonder why we feel sick.”
— Atticus
Alright, so I’m an overthinker: now what? What do I do about all these thoughts swarming in my head?
Well, when you’re so personally caught up in something, especially when distressed or upset, it’s easy to be irrational without even noticing.
Step into the shoes of an outsider. If your friend was thinking like this, what would you say? What advice would you give?
When you do this, you distance yourself and your personal feelings from the situation. You can look at things from a clearer and calmer state-of-mind, instead of endlessly spiraling down in stress and desperation.
An outside perspective is a key, which can be provided by yourself or another person. A good meme to calm yourself down also helps.
3. No one knows what you’re thinking unless you say it.
Because we’re in our own heads so often, it’s easy to assume that everyone else knows what’s going on.
Now, while I’m not saying it’s necessary to voice every single concern to your peers, it’s essential to find some sort of outlet. Some way for you to express yourself and release your inner monologue.
For me, that was journaling. Writing down my thoughts helped me organize my ideas and determine a proper course of action. I usually either A) realized how minor some of the things I was stressing about were and moved on or B) decided this was significant enough to discuss with the other person, who usually wasn’t even aware I was stressed by this.
Of course, if it gets too overwhelming to deal with by yourself, voice your troubles to a loved one or trusted individual. Remember, your feelings are valid, and you have a right to be heard.
4. Spend your energy on things that matter.
“… Majority of people who are easily stressed are the ones who think too much about the problems instead of solutions. Always focus on solutions.”
— Subodh Gupta
The amount of time and energy I can spend going circles in my brain about something is.. exorbitant. Especially when I’m not particularly busy. Because we continuously think, we get trapped in this infinite circle over the issue on hand — why did someone do this, what are they thinking, things like that.
Thinking is great and all, except for one important fact: we think but never conclude. No lesson gained. Perhaps it’s impossible to arrive at one with the questions we’re asking.
Spending our energy overthinking doesn’t magically bring us into this new realm of awareness and enlightenment. If anything, it just leaves us feeling even worse and more stressed than before.
Most situations and conflicts are worth, at least, healthy discussion, research, and reflection. All things that help us feel better, more relaxed, and educated afterward. Nothing — and I repeat, nothing — is worth endless nights anxiously ruminating to no end.
But for real, spend your energy finding a solution and learning from your mistakes rather than dwelling on things that don’t matter in the long run. It just isn’t worth your energy.
5. Be patient with yourself.
“Rule number one is, don’t sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is, it’s all small stuff.”
― Robert Eliot
To me, overthinking is a sign that you care. Maybe too much, but regardless, you care. You’re scared and stressed out about something, perhaps fearful of what’s to come or of what’s already happened.
It gets quite frustrating, as you wonder why you seem to always inflict more stress on yourself.
But as humans, we’re wired to think. That’s how we are. It’s just that some of us are more prone to constantly think and stress over certain things more than others. It’s a mindset that won’t simply go away nor change immediately.
But if you become more aware and better able to recognize and pull yourselves out of another episode of overthinking, that’s a massive step for you and your mental health. So be patient. With time and practice, anyone can get there.
Closing Note: From One Overthinker to Another
Quarantine and spring break from school has given me a lot of free time to… well, think. And overthink.
Hence, I wrote these reminders as things I wish I had someone tell me while I was overthinking. Personally, I feel the hardest part of being an overthinker is how much we keep it to ourselves. We have so many thoughts, it seems impossible to pick and choose what and how to share with others. We’re drowning in our thoughts, but no one else seems to do the same nor care.
But this is false. Many people overthink —specifically, about 73% of adults between ages 25 and 35, according to a study by the University of Michigan. I’m not nearly 25, but I guess that’s just how I am.
To all the overthinkers, I hope you find healthy ways to voice your thoughts, be it to yourself or a loved one. (I mentioned it earlier, but seriously: might I recommend journaling?)
You deserve to be happy. So please, decide to stop dwelling on things that don’t deserve your stress. Because, the truth is, as overthinkers, it’s all in your head. These thoughts all started with you, so only you can decide to end the relentless contemplation.
Hey, my name’s Alexis, a college freshman excited about AI, writing, and personal development!
Thanks for reading — feel free to follow me on Medium, LinkedIn, or shoot me an email to hear more. Until next time!
Email: alexiswang55@gmail.com
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